It has been far too long since we recognized those gunsmiths among us who really shouldn't be touching tools. So we are back here to shine the light of shame on their brilliant work.
If you missed our previous Golden Poop Awards, scroll to the bottom of this post for links to the past posts.
This years awards are brought to you buy the following generous sponsors:
The Wile E. Coyote School of Gunsmithing
In association with The Acme Products Corporation: "Wide Selection, Instant Delivery, Questionable Quality, That's ACME!"
and Hayes Specialty Fasteners: "We have a fastener for every specification"
Our first category this year is Optics Mounting.....We know how difficult it can be to buy a scope mount, or pay a trained gunsmith to install a set of rings for you. These brave souls risked internet infamy by attempting to install optics on their own. Our nominees are:
Enel Darrel Justice made this wonderful mount for his SKS using the families signature product.
Perhaps they can be sponsors next year?
Welding and silver soldering is very difficult to master, Cletus Douche (pronounced dooshay) crafted this unique arrangement on his rifle.
Bubba Dean Anderson made this custom mount below, stating proudly, "that scope ain't goin' no wheres"
Definitely a contender is this installation performed by John Wayne Dankworth, after getting a free scope with a larger diameter objective, he couldn't find the correct size mounts at his local Walmart. So like a Marine, he improvised! His solution included relieving the barrel of his Marlin .22 Mag rifle to make room. Brilliant work Johnny!
Another classic lever action goes under the welding hood, this one was performed by Camaro Wade Smith, a contender in a previous award ceremony. Unfortunately he was disqualified last time due to his use of a tape measure. Let's wish him luck this year!
These next two contestants show pure street credibility. The first one done in Ghetto Gold Rust-O-Leum with the gangster side mount optic, it was built by D'Squarious Jackson Jr.
This next one was just as brilliant, done in candy ass colors and featuring the gangster side mount. Unfortunately we found out after his entry that the owner of the pistol: Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Williams had actually not performed the work himself and was thus disqualified from competition.
The good news is the shop that did the work will be able to compete in the best paint job category!
Our next category is: Most Heinous Treatment of a Pistol, our nominees are:
Harvey Jenks-McCrincklberry spruced up his Glock with some gnarly fish scales. He was inspired after noodling the second largest bass in his parish's history. He calls it his "bassterpiece".
Jim-Tom (no last name given....or maybe Tom is his last name??) dimpled the grip face of his 1911 pistol, He wanted to make sure he wasn't gonna drop it that swamp again.
Using a combination of automotive undercoating and asbestos fireproofing, Javrus Jamar Jones brought this XD pistol into a new realm.
After finding a triangle file at a yard sale for 50 cents, Harry Dunne was inspired to modify his Ruger SR1911, he wasted no time in performing the custom mods to the top of the slide, the sights, hammer, trigger and trigger guard.
Another previous Golden Poop contender is back again, this time Gator Beauchamp crafted this unique target grip for this Glock 17 pistol
This next entry is ranking high in early voting. Junior Jerry Lee Lee pulled out all the stops, digging deep into his scrap metal pile.
In the Custom Rifle Category we have some great contenders starting with
Tommy Tronks provided us with his entry, he named her Lucile, he proclaimed proudly that she features parts purchased from no less than six hardware stores.... that is a bold strategy right there....we'll have to see if that works out for him.
D'Isiah T. Billings-Clyde cut down a perfectly good Mosin-Nagant rifle in order to enter this years competition, he says it doesn't mater to him as it wasn't his rifle to begin with.
Jay-Dee Farnsworth would have entered this rifle in the optics category, but his mount fell off before he could get a better picture for the judges.
White-Boy George built this Mossberg Plinkster and gave it a slew of custom touches.
Cotton Butkis was inspired to enter this year after his cousin Tucker Butkis made it the final round of judging in 2017
Felonious Davis-Wallace risks a long stint in a Federal Penitentiary for this years build, but he said it will be worth it for the street cred he will acquire if he wins the Golden Poop
Maurice "Mo-Flo" Florence created the rifle below by using only Russian and Soviet Satellite parts.
Ken Bettis wanted to go with a simple stripes motif, but he ran out of time, but he sent in his submission anyway.
Buster Melon built this Obrez pistol tribute including the invisible, fully adjustable scope mount....genius!
Martin Luiz Garcia Ramirez de Arroyo designed this custom single shot 22 from a Winchester model 67, saying he was inspired by his great, great, great grandfather Antonio Luiz Garcia Ramirez de Arroyo con Agua Fria
Damian Swalwell's entry is something he calls the Anal Buster 5000 (although he almost named it "Fabulous!"). The rifle (is it still a rifle??) features a can-cannon barrel, custom grip that he molded himself.
He says: "it will launch a potato soaked in Astroglide at 320 feet per second, plenty of speed for deep penetration."
Our last category is: Best Artistic Expression, the nominees in this category are:
Pauly Giuseppe Calabrese hand painted his bed side gun and thought it had better be worthy of a Golden Poop......or else.....
Eugene Feltcher wanted to show his love for Hello Kitty, Tigers and the color pink, for the bling he added some polished parts and rhinestones.
Asian Gangster Hindan No Kum Nao created the Glock 27 you see below....
More diversity in the competition! Native American Tommy Small Willie Thundercloud painted his Enfield just for this competition.
L'Carpetron Dookmarriot is responsible for the Glock - 1911 hybrid below, he said he wanted to be the first to build one. He chose the colors of green for the money and gold for the honey.....
Rainbow Stevens-Merryhew painted this rifle for his two moms, they use it to shoot blanks at the crows attempting to eat their organic locally grown Arugula.
The pistol below was entered in the category for Optics, but the owner was disqualified, so we moved it to this category, but the shop that performed the work, asked that we not mention their names.
Damian Swalwell has two entries in this years competition.
The custom painted Hi-Point below is adorned in penis penetrating camo, a design he imagined with the help of his partner Eugene Feltcher who also entered the competition.
This is obviously satire and thus protected under the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. All names are made up and any similarities with people living or dead is purely coincidental and not intended (but would be hilarious!).
Links to previous Golden Poop Awards
